THE self esteem It can be defined as the way we see ourselves. It expresses how much we respect and we want to as well, and this is reflected in situations where we put ourselves and the decisions we make for ourselves.
Think about how your life is today: the attitudes that are beneficial to take you? His attitude towards the situations is, in general, positive? Are you happy with yourself? If the answers are negative, your self love It is damaged and needs to be worked through self help - that is, the treatment depends on you only.
THE low self esteem absolutely influences all areas of life. "A person without self-esteem does not like herself, so it makes bad choices for themselves. In romantic relationships, gets involved with people who treat you badly or not available. In personal relationships, seeking friends that do not add anything and just 'suck'. In the professional field, can not evolve because it does not have confidence in their own potential and not the courage to try something new, better. The first hurdle, since quit. And at school, so afraid of what others will think they are ashamed to take your questions with the teacher. It involves a autossabotagem"Explains Pamela Magalhães psychologist, clinical specialist and relationships.
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Source of the problem
The therapist says that lack of self-knowledge and the distorted self-image are the cause of lack of self-esteem. As explained during childhood, parents (or creators) of the child must give attention and recognition. Gradually, these "models" They will tell the child who she is and giving parameters. So she will develop their self-image and, consequently, your self esteem.
However, the person who had this deficit ratio did not receive enough references itself and as a result, can not see in full. "Because of this, she is constantly comparing themselves to others and asking for referrals. A classic example is when two friends are on the beach and asks the other: 'I'm fat like that woman?'. When I do not have clarity of what I am, I need the other as a parameter"Explains the expert.
Symptoms of lack of self-esteem
According to the psychologist, the main symptoms and consequences of the problem are:
- insecurity feeling. Usually, the person has a lot of doubt and uncertainty in decision making.
- Little or no confidence. Even in a bad job, the individual does not make efforts to get out of there, do you think you have the ability to get something better.
- criticism of excess. The patient sees only its own faults, and ignores qualities.
- Intolerance to frustration. According to Pamela, this feature is evident in the workplace, when a person receives a criticism. "If I know I'm good, what another says is important, but it is not decisive for the definition I have of myself. When I am weak, anyone who criticizes me just me. I can finish me - because what I say does not matter to me - but when the other speaks, I can not handle, I value much more to his opinion than mine"He explains.
- Tendency to destructive relationships. The person thinks he is not deserving of good things and therefore only relates to bad people who do bad.
- Permissiveness. There is difficulty in imposing limits. "As she is afraid of displeasing others, lets do what you want with it. If you live in the south, gives a lift to his friend to the north, just to please him"Illustrates the therapist.
- Difficulty accepting compliments. Because the patient can not find value in what you do, when the other suspects are.
- great emotional vulnerability, which leads to emotional dependence, or "shortage".
- chronic dissatisfaction feeling. Nothing is ever good. The individual feels anguish and constant anxiety and has pessimists and naysayers thoughts.
- inferiority feeling. "Anyone is better than me."
- Need for approval. "Did you think I spoke well? This text is good? This outfit looks good on me?" are common questions of the person without self-esteem.
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Despite being built during childhood and adolescence, self-esteem can be treated and recovered in any stage of life. "I can, through my choices, go feeding this esteem. When I make destructive decisions for me, not wanting to strengthen what bothers me most. However, when I make positive moves, we reverse this situation. It works as a cycle: the more positive choices do more esteem step to take for myself and my higher self-esteem, more positive will be my choices"Says Pamela.
- Analyze your life. You are in employment you would like? Are you happy in your relationship? Like your friends? Are you satisfied with yourself? If the answer is no, do some movement to change these situations.
- Do not be shortsighted. You thought you need to improve your situation? Great. However, do not want to change your life from day to night. "Just as you do not come to this situation by magic, it will not be well resolved. The result is little by little"Says Pamela. Make small movements to promote a change. "When we realize that we are dissatisfied with ourselves, we tend to be radical: either we make a drastic change or continue exactly alike. We feel lazy just thinking about the enormous effort we have to do and do not even think about the possibility of promoting a small change"Says the psychologist.
- Avoid self-criticism too. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Work acceptance to frustration and try not to torture yourself to fail. Please understand that we will never please everyone as this is impossible, and that losses are inevitable and are part of life.
- Avoid criticizing others too. Try to observe your qualities, not just defects. "When we look at the qualities of others, we can lay hold of some of them"Says Pamela.
- Do not run away the obstacles. Understand that even if you do not reach your goal, experiencing the difficulties will strengthen you.
- Listen to your own will. Talk to yourself and find out what you really want. Try to deal with the same care and affection with which he treats others. Do activities that make you well, put in tasty situations and relate with interesting people.
- Learn to set limits. Do not let the other invading your space and reflects the attitude we are taking is to please someone else or to benefit himself. Do not take this as selfishness, but as self-protection.
- Exercise self. Acknowledge your faults and qualities and face them as a set of characteristics that make up who you are. to Blame for their choices.